Morning Wood: Carlos Ruiz's Left Nut

Out of respect for Carlos Ruiz's bruised left testicle (and because there are a lot of other things going on), our Wood will be a bit shorter today. Whiskey Dick, if you will.

The Phillies won last night, 9-2. 

Cliff Lee, as usual, was a good little pony- seven innings, two runs, seven strikeouts.

He may or may not have had a beer in the dugout:

There’s no label that I can make out.

He talked about the outing:

Hunter Pence talked about his awkward sliding mistake: [Phillies.com]

"I didn't really see Sammy," he said sheepishly. "When I first read the ball I thought it was kind of close to me, so I was trying to get over. I thought maybe in case the shortstop was trying to throw it to third. Little did I know, the shortstop didn't catch it. Once I started sliding, then I saw Sammy waving. Then I went home."

 

We love it when awkward guys do quirky things.

I didn’t see much of the broadcast, but several of you informed me that the Phillies were hawking their awful and ugly “Let’s Go Eat” shirt. To that, we say thank you. A ton of people took to the interwebtuals to search for it, and guess where they wound up? Right here. Thanks, guys.

Finally, today in idiot fans:

That’s where. Where is the word you were searching for.
 

H/T to Matt and Dan

Comments

[A Lowbrow Moron]

HAHAHAHA A DICK JOKE AND A BALL JOKE IN THE TITLE I GIVE THIS POST A 69!

- Dirty Sanchez, CF, Cleveland Steamers (!)

[K]

You failed to mention the Charlie look-a-like in the crowd. He was behind right-handed batters all night long.. You can see him in the "were you at?" picture; wearing the Phils hat.

[mikebiff]

I heard Chooch isn't like most men- his brass danglers don't bruise, they dent.

[A. Rusty Trombone]

"Let's Go Eat"

An interpretation of the vagina monologues by Hunter Pence.

[tim]

thats a pedialyte, not a beer

[NJ_Navy_Chief]

pretty sure Pedialyte doesn't come in
a pop top can

[Joe]

The Smoke reference is talking about D-Jack. It's actually a pretty good sign seeing as how he isn't signed yet.

[some guy]

Yeah, great sign, except for (1) the misspelling and (2) fuck that guy.

[Andy (San Diego)]

@ Kyle: You didn't use the Bill Cosby routine about the "groin" injury & the athletic trainer bandaging his head? Would have been funny.

[Meez]

I thought whiskey dick meant you can go all night?

[mm]

no to pick, but, do you give a potential playoff opponent you don't play agianst that often AB's against your closers with a 3+ run lead? Why give them a look if you don't have to? Anybody else have a problem with that?

[Zach]

@ mm: In that case, no. Madson was the only pitcher warm. Plus, he hadn't worked in a few days and could use the tune up.

[Iron Balls McGinty]

Whisky Dick = "Uisce Beatha Bod". Sláinte! Hahahahah

Luckily—and somebody should tell Chooch this—you really need only one good ball. So if he don't get the right one banged up like he did the left the other night, he can still work on Carlos Ruiz IV and Carlos Ruiz V, since he already has a Chooch Jr (II) and Chooch III.

I don't envy the pain he felt when his balls got ringed. Before me ferrus balls I don't think I would have been able to stay and finish the game.

I think it's good Chooch got some rest anyway, even though Lee and Schneider were out of sync at the atart last night.

PS: LGE-HP3: I love him to death, but I wonder if he was preoccupied with how to not burning bacon while melting faces? But the funny thing about the outcome is we got to see J-Roll do a Juan Samuel impersonation in the dugout. Respect your elders, gentlemen!

PSS: We got the game on ESPN down in the 33139, so we were spared all of that horrible exposure to that version of the LGE shirts. But even those are better than Ill shirts.

[Kempatsu]

nobody noticed oswalt giving the finger behind hamels and lee?