Hey, Let’s Make Fun of the Mets and Marlins

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Pss. Hey, Dave, you awake?

Yeah buddy. What’s up?

My arm still hurts. I miss the game. I miss… you.

Photo day. Tomorrow. Let’s hug.

Thanks, Dave.

And thus kicks off another awkward season of Mets baseball.

Matt Harvey was so upset about his Tommy John surgery (which he got like six months ago) the other night that he wanted - needed - to hear David Wright’s soothing voice on the other end of the line. Wright, no stranger to uncomfortable teammate encounters, was happy to oblige:

Late in the night, with an early morning wakeup call for Photo Day looming, David Wright‘s phone broke the silence of his would-be sleep.

It was Matt Harvey calling.

Harvey wanted somebody to talk to about the latest frustrations of the slow-moving Tommy John rehab process that will sideline him for much, if not all, of the upcoming season, and so he naturally leaned on the Mets’ captain. And though this moment might have cost him some needed Spring Training sleep, Wright was all too happy to have his peace interrupted for the betterment of the bottom line.

“People talk about creating a winning culture,” Wright said. “Well, winning takes care of that. But to get there, you’ve got to have that trust and that feeling that we’re all pulling in the same direction. As weird as it sounds, it starts with developing that type of relationship.”

The Mets are still developing. Make no mistake about that.

The Mets are still weird. Make no mistake about that.

Meanwhile, on a desert island somewhere, Marlins President David Samson didn’t last very long on Survivor:

Marlins president David Samson made it clear from the onset of “Survivor: Cagayan” that he had his eye on the $1 million prize.

“In baseball there’s only one winner in the end,” Samson said. “‘Survivor’ (is) the same, so I’ve been playing this game for a long time. Just not on the beach.”

Samson, however, was the first player voted off during the two-hour season premiere that aired Wednesday night.

Upon his arrival — wearing a blazer and khakis — via helicopter, Samson was anointed captain by his “brains” teammates.

“I personally never trust a man in a suit, but I like David, so we’ll go with that,” said Kass, an attorney.*

I love how Samson – THE PRESIDENT OF THE MARLINS – talked about winning without a hint of irony. The last time we heard from Napoleon Samson on this site, by the way, was last May, when he was photographed with a woman who’s decidedly not his wife:

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*How about the balls on that attorney to joke about not liking a guy in a suit. Mirror much?

9 Comments

  1. I don’t think the Phils or us phans should be making fun of anyone. This Phils team has 75 wins painted all over it.

  2. I don’t think we’re in any position to laugh at anyone, considering half of our lineup was playing during the Reagan administration. In fact, if I’m not mistaken Abreu’s return has been the biggest joke so far this year.

  3. So, you’re going to make fun of a teammate who actually gives a shit about someone who needed help? I applaud Wright. The Mets and Marlins still fucking suck though.

  4. This is like the gold medal winner of the Special Olympics making of the silver and bronze winners. At the end of the day we’re all losers.

  5. Vinnie Antonelli

    February 27, 2014 at 5:14 pm

    I fucking HATE david samson. I would pay any amount to beat the shit out of him. He is the scum of the earth

  6. Sorry, Kyle, but I’m having a hard time making fun of two teams that could well pass the Phillies in the standings if they’re not careful.

  7. Mets will finish ahead of the Phillies, AND have more all-star players

    February 28, 2014 at 10:05 am

    You Philly fans are too funny. The Phillies suck out loud, yet you want to laugh at others?

    You need to adjust to life as a 2nd or 3rd tier city. You have 4 teams, New York has 9. ‘Nuff said.

  8. id imagine the braves outtakes are similar to the mets, but with more butt sex.

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