… and shart on your brain.

Ian Rapppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppopopopopopopopopopoport is slinging more shit today about the Eagles trading Chip Kelly to the Titans for a number one pick, a concept so ridiculous that I can’t even believe I’m writing it as a possibility. And yet, talking to Mike Missanelli today:

MM: “So he’s gonna be around here as Eagles coach?”

IR: “Well, unless something happens in Tenessee at the end of the year. That’d be the only other caveat. It’s not likely. NFL [coach] trades are almost impossible, but I was told on Sunday don’t completely rule it out. So that’s the only one.”

MM: “We’re talking about the Tennessee Titans. It would be a coaching trade and at the very least they would get the Titans’ number one pick in the draft.”

IR: “Uh, yeah. At least. These coaching moves are expensive. In the past, it’s always been a number one pick. So, yeah, it would be … I don’t even know if that would be the case … I know … If he wanted full control in Tennessee, I don’t think that would happen. If he did not want full control, I think it’s something they would consider. So that’d be the only other play at this point.”

I’m telling you– if Chip Kelly goes to Tennessee and wins a Super Bowl with Marcus Mariota, I’m done as an Eagles fan. I’ll retire. Tapping out. Wouldn’t be able to handle it. This can’t happen. It won’t happen. It’s unlikely to happen. Please don’t happen. OH MY GOD IT’S GOING TO HAPPEN!