I’m sorry, but I don’t know how this guy gets a paycheck. Here’s Marcus Hayes’ latest, lazy sonnet– this one about Andrew Bynum. It’s literally 1,000 words of one-sentence paragraph bullshit. A substantial excerpt:
Harris did not stipulate that Bynum had to play 82 games, or 22, or two, for that matter.
Bynum knows this.
Bynum also knows that he finally has a chance to get healthy.
There is no expectation from a Lakers franchise so desperate for championships that it fired its head coach five games into this season. The Lakers expected Bynum to play every possible minute.
He won't do that again.
Not with a team that plans to use his 7-foot, 285-pound, 25-year-old frame as the central structure for the franchise.
"Obviously, the kind of player I am, I'm not going to go anywhere," Bynum said. "Health is still the main concern. I'm just listening to the doctors and folks, being cautious."
And if he weren't considered a gilded property? If he didn't have that breakout 2011-12 season?
"It wouldn't be any different. I think this is the way I need to handle it,' Bynum insisted.
It's untrue, but it's fine.
If Bynum wasn't assured of his importance, he would be playing sooner than Boxing Day.
If Bynum wasn't confident that overuse put him in this position, he would be champing at the bit.
"It's not conducive [to good health] for athletes to have to play in that environment," Bynum said.
And, maybe if the team really needed him, he might push it a little bit.
The Sixers played virtually no defense Monday night, looked sluggish playing their sixth game in 9 days, and lost, 105-96. Without the encumbrance of Bynum, the Sixers have grown, and they have learned.
They learned that Jrue Holiday's late-season takeover of the team was no mirage. They learned that Evan Turner's playoff fade was, well, no mirage. They learned that replacement starter Lavoy Allen is a fine backup.
And they are fine.
They have a weak first-half schedule. They have a rotation that goes nine players deep every night; nine players who might start on many teams.
So, Bynum will take it slow.
After weeks of the soccer mom workout, he will soon begin running and jumping again.
"Phase 2 will start next week," Bynum said. "That will tell me a lot."
It will tell him he has done the right thing . . . so far.
If he needs more time, he will take it; even if it means no Bynum until Valentine's Day.
After all, when it comes to big men's knees, life's a box of chocolates:
You never know what you're going to get.