Scott Hartnell is the Fifth Hottest Player in Hockey, Scientific Survey Says

Kyle Scott —  January 8, 2013 — 19 Comments


Screen Shot 2013-01-08 at 2.26.13 PMCosmo says he’s hot… and Hartnell’s down with that

OH MY GOD HE’S SO SEXY IN SO MANY WAYS, all the ladies say.

Well, at least that’s what readers of Cosmo say. The magazine's list, Hot Hockey Players, unveiled to thirsty lady loins everywhere today, ranks Hartnell fifth in the league. His position is justified thrustly… er, thusly:

You might recognize this left wing from his cameo in This Is Forty. Or from scoping out his sexy red curls on the ice. 

 

Claude Giroux didn’t crack the top 30 (which makes at least one girl very sad), nor did any other current Flyers. Jaromir Jagr finished 30th, presumably thanks to Cosmo’s more mature, perhaps bushy, Eastern European readers.  

A few other names of note: Jeff Carter, our former sword-swinging sex machine turned Stanley Cup champion– he finished second (Mike Green and his Gerber face finished first). And Sidney Crosby– 15th, somehow (his inclusion was mandated by the league). 

If a sudden influx of estrogen allows you to click, you’ll be able to see the full list… hither.

The next time I see a feminist nut complaining about men objectifying female athletes – like the luscious Alex Morgan – I'm going to spam them links to the descriptions for every player on Cosmo's list. Just for sport.

H/T to Sarah Baicker

Kyle Scott

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19 responses to Scott Hartnell is the Fifth Hottest Player in Hockey, Scientific Survey Says

  1. we have…hockey action YO! January 8, 2013 at 2:38 pm

    Phil Kessel is on the list – list is now invalid.

  2. When this said hottest, i thought it was because he looks like the heat miser.. i wouldn’t put scotty top 5 on the flyers. and king henrik should easily be #1. they must of asked some bush league women.

  3. Henrik Lundqvist January 8, 2013 at 2:45 pm

    How the fuck is Henrik Lundqvist not #1? Straight man here and even I couldn’t help but swoon when he was on during the 24/7 series.
    I know this is Cosmo (which told my girlfriend to sweep her hair around my crotch to get me going), but how the hell did they come up with this list?
    Yeah, Crosby and his Crustache is soooo sexy. I hope you like a man who goes down easier than $5 hooker.

  4. Candy from the Oak January 8, 2013 at 2:49 pm

    who voted the blind.. @ lauren would you fuck Hartnall or blow him???

  5. Cosmo is full of bush eaters January 8, 2013 at 3:01 pm

    Kaleta is #4…..so this voids the whole thing

  6. Slammin Gretzky’s Daughter January 8, 2013 at 3:04 pm

    Ryan Miller is not number four, Kyle. It was Patrick Kaleta of the Sabres. Miller was just in the picture. No way that whiny bitch Ryan Miller and his pedophile playoff mustache would ever make this list.

  7. Chance- VP of the GnA Falcons January 8, 2013 at 3:18 pm

    How bout some pics of AJ mcCarron’s chick??? Who gives a F about this drunk Hartnell

  8. Love my puck hunks. Can not wait for the opener against the pens!!!!!!

  9. Candy from the Oak January 8, 2013 at 3:37 pm

    @ Tara do you like getting fingered?

  10. @Candy- like I told you once before, FUCK OFF!

  11. I hope my tax dollars didn’t help fund this nonsense.

  12. Jeff Carter’s jealous boyfriend January 8, 2013 at 4:37 pm

    Ryan Lochte is the sexiest hockey player ever.

  13. Candy from the Oak January 8, 2013 at 6:28 pm

    Tara watch the cursing babe

  14. How’s this red head fagit in the top 5

  15. Um, okay so everyone has their opinions, but how the fuck doesn’t Henrique Lundquivst not made the top 10 on this list let alone the 30?! This list is void.
    Also, how does Giroux and his handsome ginger self not make this list? The people they asked must be legally blind.

  16. Flyers are the best!! only the best pussy for them! hockey on!!

  17. Whats that fishy smell in here?

  18. I should have played Foot ball!!!

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