The Life of a Troll

Screen Shot 2013-07-11 at 12.20.59 PMI enjoy most of the comments, even the trolls. You may be aware of this. But there’s one recent commenter – who usually goes by the unfunny and too-long name, kyle is the meat in a carter/richards sandwich – whose unoriginally, lameness and ability to troll at all hours of the day is striking, if not concerning.

So I decided to… take a glimpse inside the life of a troll.

Here is what we know about the strange existence of kyle is the meat in a carter/richards sandwich, or KITMIACRS, for short:

His (HER?!) IP address is 155.91.45.231. That means that he works at Merck, in Woodbridge, New Jersey. I think here:

Screen Shot 2013-07-11 at 11.42.16 AM

A lofty company for such a lowly troll.

He seems hung up on several issues: the coverage of Mike Richards and Jeff Carter, the copy-and-paste nature of certain posts, the fact that other websites sometimes get to a story first (a major no-no in the eyes of KITMIACRS) and penises. Mostly black ones.

It’s not the unoriginality of his posts that fascinate, it’s the sheer stupidity. Most trolling commenters are entertaining. Some, like Crossing Broad memes, are both funny and provide legitimate criticism. I may not always agree with the sentiment, but they add something to the site. KITMIACRS does not. Here’s some of his best work (well, not actual work, for Merck), written under a number of different handles and fake email addresses (more on those in a minute):

Heckert looks like he gives blumpkins

Anyone know where i can get some black dick in me?

I LIKE TO LOOK AT BIG COCKS I LIKE TO LOOK AT BIG COCKS I LIKE TO LOOK AT BIG COCKS [repeated 30x]

How does one rape a website?

Why are you so obsessed with his calculator? I guess its better than your obsession with Carter’s penis at least.

Can someone point me in the direction of some juicy black dicks?

Pretty jealous that Hernandez is going to get to go to prison and be around all those big, juicy black dicks.

like to have sex with sheep

I like to make poops!

Wow, now he is using commenters to create content.

Anyone want to play Tummy Sticks later?

Penis penis penis penis penis.

Man, i love nutsacks in my face. Can’t get enough of it really.

Another useless story posted just to get racist comments

PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS

Block quoting an article from a writer you rip all the time, then adding pithy thoughts of your own – normal CB post. Penis.

Boys have a penis and girls have a vagina.

And hockey is played by men, and golf is played by guys with tits.

And every engineering major i’ve ever dealt with has no idea how to interact with actual human beings.

KITMIACRS has commented 118 times since April 3, using an impressive 26 different handles. They may be the only entertaining aspect of his faux existence. Most have to do with penis or the surrounding area. Those names, including their corresponding email addresses– all sic’d, of course:

kyle is the meat in a carter/richards sandwich dick@dick.com, balls@balls.com, balls@nuts.com

Kyle’s ugly bride dope@dope.com

I LIKE TO LOOK AT BIG COCKS dick@dick.com

Adolf Hitler dope@dope.com

I LOVE DICK ILOVEDICKS@ILOVEDICKS.COM

The Fuhrer dope@dope.com

Kyle’s Fiance dope@dope.com

Kyle’s Wife wife@wife.com

Poopmaker poop@poop.com

COCK MEAT SANDWICH penis@penis.com

dicksacks balls@sack.com

Crossing Swords fag@fag.com

Testicles balls@nuts.com

Penis balls@nuts.com

Dicks, dicks everywhere balls@nuts.com

Carter/Richards sandwich balls@nuts.com

nutsacks balls@nuts.com

penises thissitesucks@balls.com

taint balls@nuts.com

dickandballs sack@sack.com

cockhair balls@nuts.com

Balls balls@nuts.com

deadspin posted this already balls@sack.com

Morons thissitesucks@balls.com

Jeff Carter saul_rainbowitz@yahoo.com

Moron dope@dope.com

It’s like a matrix of male anatomy slang. I haven’t tried emailing any of those addresses (I’m assuming KITMIACRS doesn’t own sack.com– I feel like that one had to get gobbled up early on). saul_rainbowitz@yahoo.com has potential, but, I mean, who uses Yahoo!? 

Anyway, I’d love to learn more about you, KITMIACRS. In the comments, of course.

156 Comments

  1. No one is going to want to post on your site ever again

    July 11, 2013 at 12:38 pm

    Yup, now everyone is going to think you are looking up their IP address and that you can report personal information about them, Best way to keep a troll away is to ignore said person. You look weak for responding to them.

    • If you didnt already know that Kyle could do all that, then youre an idiot.

      • No one is going to want to post on your site ever again

        July 11, 2013 at 12:49 pm

        There is a difference between could and should.

        • Bynum's Knees

          July 11, 2013 at 3:04 pm

          Yea I have no doubt this is KITMIACARS. How do you think the internet works? Information like that can be use for advertising, it’s how websites make money jackass. And if you’re just a miserable troll who spends his work day vomiting nonsense all over your keyboard you deserve to get exposed, I wish it happened more often! No if you’ll excuse me I’ve got to go look healthy enough to scam another 20 million. Somebody’s gonna pay, they always do…. straight bowlin’ money bitches….

    • I couldn’t care less. I’ll still read and comment.

    • Big Balls Chip

      July 11, 2013 at 2:21 pm

      I’m replying to this comment because a) this is probably meat sandwich guy under yet anoher alias and b) so this very important message can been seen near the top of the almost 100 comments now: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. AhhahHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. PAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

    • Hey, if the government can do it why cant Kyle?

  2. I think some of those comments are on the funny side. Most however, are not.

    • Looking at his comments and e-mail addresses, I would say the dude is batting .037 when it comes to being funny. He defines the word troll. Like another commenter posted, I bet Kyle warned him many times to knock off his 6th grade-like antics but the grown man just had to keep acting like a little boy. Props Kyle for corralling this jackass!

  3. Now you’re digging up trolls and posting about them? Low, Kyle. Even for you.

  4. When you feed Trolls they always come back looking for more food…

  5. anyone can look up people’s IP addresses on any site that gathers any input from that person’s IP. so any time you enter info into a website, ur IP is gathered…so relax up there big guy about people being scared…..if ur scared, get a dog

  6. Makes me reaaaaal good that autistic freaks like this are making and releasing drugs to the public. Ew.

  7. You should never have done this. I get that this dudes a pain and comes to this blog just to bitch but thats his problem..People will think twice about posting comments which is one of the best parts about this site. Showing where he works was a big no-no too.

    • I don’t think you have anything to worry about If you’re not posting about black cocks and racist shit.

    • why the fuck not show where he works? he’s at work, and shouldn’t even be on CB. get back to fucking work. I’d fire your ass if i found you on CB on my dime. or any website not pertaining to work for that matter. I personally how my own business and can piss my time away whenever the fuck I want because it’s my fucking dime.

  8. kyle is the meat in a carter/richards sandwich is a loser

    July 11, 2013 at 12:45 pm

    haha well i guess i was wrong thought he bagged groceries instead he’s the guy from office space that hates his life and spends entire day adding stupid comments. Hope you get fired troll!

  9. Candy from the Oak

    July 11, 2013 at 12:50 pm

    So your saying it’s still a BYOB tailgate?

  10. Talbot's Fucking Penis

    July 11, 2013 at 12:51 pm

    Strangely enough, I found this hilarious. Some tool at Merck is sitting in his cubicle, thinking he’s being incognito…then gets destroyed. For months he thought he was witty and clever by making different names…”For who? For what?”

  11. PRISM: Crossing Broad Edition

    Don’t worry Kyle I got your back….Just like Tommy Lee Jones had mine in that movie that made me famous.

    Lincoln. Out.

  12. Michael Bolton

    July 11, 2013 at 12:53 pm

    Oh man dude wasnt unfunny but I hope he doesn’t get canned over trolling. He did suck though

  13. The one comment of his u didnt post “Is the BYOB tailgate still taking place in faggotville?”, made me laugh hysterically

  14. I disagree with Kyle a lot and comment on it. But i’m old fashioned I like to discuss things.
    This person really needs to get a life. A troll comment now and then is fine, thats a loser like obsession.

  15. I personally think “Crossing Broad Memes” is pretty damn funny. That guy needs to post more.

    And Kyle, you need to do another video where you read ridiculous comments. That was pretty good.

    Saying where this guy works though, I dunno. That’s a bit much man. Trolling your site is no reason to get a guy fired or in trouble with his employer.

    • Talbot's Fucking Penis

      July 11, 2013 at 1:00 pm

      Merck is a big corporation, it would take them more time than it was worth to figure out who it was. Sometimes the articles and stories are on here, but he comments are even worse.

    • most likely merck can already see every employees web history/destinations etc. I doubt that a person at the exec. or hr level of merk is going to GO DEEPER and look at his comments or focus on one article…i think some people are overreacting a lil. Bad to feed the trolls, but once in a while its good to see a nice troll get some cold water splashed on their troll boner. however, some comments of his are hilarious as mentioned

      • Not really. All Kyle has to do is contact HR about some posting racist content from one of their IP addresses, they simply trace the IP back to the hatch and then verify against the user logs. It takes about 15 minutes max. And if you throw in racist and sexually explicate, they can do it in under ten.

  16. kylescottsmomisawhore

    July 11, 2013 at 12:57 pm

    Rule #1:

    Don’t feed the trolls.

    Sincerely,

    Troll

  17. Michael Bolton

    July 11, 2013 at 12:57 pm

    The IT guys at his work probably think he’s nuts

  18. Kyle wins the day

  19. Bill Lumbergh

    July 11, 2013 at 1:00 pm

    I miss that edward Murphy character that always bitched about shitty equipment

  20. There’s a troll storm coming, Mr. Wayne….

  21. also what if KITMIACRS is just Kyle’s mom, or fiance and is this is just a ruse to get page views, spark chatter, and fill up comment sections…..this whole time WE WERE THE ONES GETTING TROLLED

  22. Just don’t ever post Candy from the Oak’s information. The mystery makes them that much more awesome.

  23. Christina Lurie's Left Tit

    July 11, 2013 at 1:03 pm

    At least I have the balls (idiocy?) to use my real email address. Kyle even emailed me once to stop something that I don’t even remember anymore. He earned some respect from me that day. And this is just icing on the cake (or, tit, as it may be).

  24. Pretty funny stuff right there…

  25. There’s no such thing as taking it too far on the internet. If you want to be an asshole, then you can be exposed. It’s not like he gave out the employee number anyway, you butthurt babies.

  26. ThePhillyFlash

    July 11, 2013 at 1:14 pm

    Maybe Kyle’s gonna hook up with his hero, Eddie Snowden and spy on North Korea. HA! Anyhoo, I’m glad Kyle outed KITMIACRS who was never even remotely funny from day one and was a crushing bore. Well played, sir!

  27. Crucify Wheels

    July 11, 2013 at 1:16 pm

    Anyone else feel like he is more than likely an IT guy?

  28. Can’t help but notice that a certain user has not commented on this article…

  29. Taking it a step further

    July 11, 2013 at 1:19 pm

    I just called the company and gave this site a plug. hehehehe

  30. You should get Anthony’s coal-fired pizza’s well done- well done award for this.

  31. I love this. Marry me?

  32. Crucify Wheels

    July 11, 2013 at 1:24 pm

    It just occurred to me how much more awesome this would have been if it had turned out to be Scott Paterno

  33. Edward Murphy

    July 11, 2013 at 1:27 pm

    I’m not an IT guy (aka, I’ve seen a woman naked in real life) but does that IP address mean that it is just one person there, or could it be like 10 different losers all posting from the same office? Also, I’m not sure if it’s real smart to start posting personal info about people. Is it that hard for some loser to start tracking down Kyle’s info and posting it all over the site or something

    • It could be the entire office’s IP address.

    • Doubtful it’s linked to more than a single cube farm hatch, no more than four computers probably.

      • So you think companies use a real world IP for every 4 employees? Merck has over 80,000 employees, so you think they have 20,000 real world IP addresses just for employee internet access? That’s hilarious. The IP is a firewall or gateway router and it could have 1, 10, 1,000 or more people behind it, you clearly have no idea what you’re talking about.

        • No, I said the IPs are linked to a hatch, and they can trace it back from there. I know all the big companies I’ve worked for limit the number of employees on each hatch as a security measure, you know, and shit like this.

  34. Candy from the Oak

    July 11, 2013 at 1:28 pm

    @ Chelsea, i guarantee your the fat friend and blow a guy every happy hour

  35. Bryce Harper was never such a doosh

    July 11, 2013 at 1:29 pm

    Clown move Kyle > publishing where you THINK this person works.

  36. Carmen Sandiego

    July 11, 2013 at 1:32 pm

    Hey Kyle, where do I work?

  37. This was douche move. One of the ONLY things saving this site right now is the comment section, because we all know the content blows, and the articles are less than imaginary. If you have a problem with trolls commenting then screen comments, dont call him out. Why dont you screenshot us what basement you live in? Such a bitch.

  38. Are basement blogger jokes funny anymore?

    July 11, 2013 at 1:38 pm

    I don’t think so

  39. I don’t take issue with you posting stories other websites post first (deadspin, barstoolsports). I take issue with you not giving them credit for it.

  40. Kyle,

    What’s the record for most comments on an article on CB?

  41. Yeah Oak, you wish. I guarantee you’re that dude that goes slummin and only gets action from those fat broads swallowing the goo during happy hour. Don’t be knockin them when it’s all you can get!

  42. Exactly why people shouldn’t troll, I hope the jackass loses his job.

  43. Ruben Amaro's Shrinking Erection

    July 11, 2013 at 1:46 pm

    *golf clap* to this conversation

  44. I think this is hilarious! Troll’s need consequences and repercussions for their actions. Hope he gets fired. The internet needs more of this.

  45. Because of this article, the troll wins. Nice work.

  46. If he used a legit email address, he may have saved himself the trouble. I bet Kyle would’ve warned him before putting him on blast. The comments section format is one of the great parts of this site. Nothing to sign up for and no moderation. That format attracts its fair share of trolls but also can lead to some good debate and often a great deal of hilarity.

    There are measures that can be taken like IP ban and things of that nature, but this is a much more measured approach. When you have no way of directly communicating with this troll other then in a public forum, why not just put him on blast? He could’ve done it right in the comments section, but this was much more epic.

    Props Kyle.

  47. It’s weird this dude thinks of gross things all day, like sup with that?

  48. Trollin Down The River

    July 11, 2013 at 1:57 pm

    Trole Hamels..hahahahahahhahahahahahahaha

  49. Trollin Down The River

    July 11, 2013 at 1:57 pm

    Troll….sorry

  50. YO! Stop maligning all of us who actually comment from our basement. Would much rather be here than at Merck.

  51. Kyle, whatever happened to Beat a Blogger? I wanna see KITMIACRS emerge from the IT closet in Merck and face you man to man.

    The way you got it set up though you’ll have to play on his turf, so I’d assume he’s gonna want black dicks to be involved. Nothing you can’t handle, I still got your back. Winner gets a T-shirt

    • Kyle Scott

      July 11, 2013 at 2:55 pm

      I got a bunch of requests. I just need to find a time to do them, film them, edit them. They’ll happen, I think.

  52. yeah would also be funny if ‘he’ was just many different people…throughout the merck world…like the way there were a bunch of green hornets….we all got a lil KITMIACRS in all of us..eh guys?

  53. Candy from the Oak

    July 11, 2013 at 2:04 pm

    You do have to assume his white. Can u see a brother going thru all that trouble on changing emails , pulse he works

  54. Any idea where I can find these Crossing Broad Memes?

  55. Candy from the Oak

    July 11, 2013 at 2:07 pm

    Plus :(

  56. Wow and I thought with the sports world on a stand still coming up next week it’d be a slow day here. Not so. Not so.

  57. LOL just realized this post is awfully similar to a deadspin article where they “unmasked” the twitter handle of @dadboner. Great work Kyle.

  58. Wonder if someone in his work yelled “awkward” when seeing this article

  59. Steve Carsten

    July 11, 2013 at 2:32 pm

    Irony: posting people’s private info after praising Ed Snowden for exposing the governments spying.

    • Well, except for the fact that Kyle’s never promised not to exploit the person information we give him.

  60. Big Balls Chip

    July 11, 2013 at 2:33 pm

    Anyone notice the hardcore trolls of this site sweating right now…”Such a dick move man”

  61. Candy from the Oak

    July 11, 2013 at 2:33 pm

    Kyle, good thing your having a straight edge tailgate. I can see this fag sucker punching you

  62. Tickly Whispers

    July 11, 2013 at 2:33 pm

    News flash: there are things called dynamic IP addresses that change constantly

  63. I miss that gay dude Dan g who used to post on here

  64. Oh the Humanity

    July 11, 2013 at 2:49 pm

    That Toyota ad is annoying as FUCK!

    • Then stop visiting Toyota.com or some other site that is affiliated with the Toyota brand.

      It’s a re-targeted ad Einstein. Look that up if you don’t know what it means.

      • I hope that IIiniGlory is tongue and cheek because they have none and Tim Beckman is the biggest faggot I've ever seen

        July 11, 2013 at 3:05 pm

        I only visited toyota.com when the ad fucking raped me. I don’t look up car anything and I dont need to look it up to figure out what it means cuz im not a midwest slack jawed retard. Thanks for the insight.

        • I hope that IIiniGlory is tongue and cheek because they have none and Tim Beckman is the biggest faggot I've ever seen

          July 11, 2013 at 3:05 pm

          in*

  65. Crossing Swords fag@fag.com

    made me lolz.

    The best part about this guy were his email addy’s

  66. The fake Angelo Cataldi always brought something interesting to the table. Talking about Rhea Hughes veal cutlets and all. I don’t ever want to know where his place of employment is….*shudders*….

  67. YOU WRITING ABOUT ME AND MAKING IT A POST IS NOT COOL

  68. his last comment; RIP:
    kyle is the meat in a carter/richards sandwich July 11, 2013 at 12:23 pm
    English not your first language?

  69. LOL so now everyone that reads CB @ work should stop?

  70. The trolls are allowed back here now?????

    NO LOVE,

    BeezNutz

  71. I don’t think Kyle knows how IP addresses work nor would I think his advertisers want to support someone who is basically cyberstalking his readership. Good job.

    • Crucify Wheels

      July 11, 2013 at 4:06 pm

      Yeah Drinkersphilly might want to consult with their Don Draper about where they should be spending their ad money, right after he pitches them another $1 stadium hot dog coupon idea.

      ps – you are dumb

  72. Kyle can you look up my IP address & tell me the numerous names I have used since April??? I’m very curious

  73. Mike is a loser

    July 11, 2013 at 4:31 pm

    that is all

  74. Angelo Cataldi

    July 11, 2013 at 5:22 pm

    OMG WHAT A FAG!!!! WHAT KIND OF LOSER FUCKING DILDO TROLLS??? id rather spend my time prodding RHEA HUGHES wet, seeping, herpes riddled, goblin lair of a cunt with a phillips head screwdriver. Then when its moist and bloody to my liking, ill fist it whilst wearing chainmail and then blow ejaculate all over a dead canary….because I have a life. And fuck you edward murphy.

  75. Edward Murphy

    July 11, 2013 at 5:27 pm

    Go back to making people register when they posted comments. That seemed to work well….

  76. Pay attention kids – this is how you set yourself up for a lawsuit lol

    • Crucify Wheels

      July 11, 2013 at 6:41 pm

      Judge: “So you swear you are KITMIACRS?”
      Plaintiff: “Yes, your honor.”
      Judge: “And do you swear you love black dicks a whole bunch?”

      Case dropped.

    • Clearly you aren’t familiar with actual laws.

  77. Dude deserves to have his IP posted for being stupid enough to check CB from his work laptop…use your cell phone.

  78. The “hockey is played by men golf is played by guys, with tits.” Was a good one though.

  79. Johnny three-legs

    July 11, 2013 at 10:21 pm

    Maybe Kyle Scott IS “KITMIACRS” !!! It’s like a real-life version of Fight Club, split personalities at war with one another! #FinkleisEinhorn

  80. Larry Andersen

    July 12, 2013 at 6:22 pm

    Kyle – you ever think of making people register an account to post comments? I love the exposure….if he’s posting that stuff from work he will get canned eventually anyway once IT does their job.

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