Here’s a Picture of Chris Wheeler, Bald

Screen Shot 2013-08-15 at 7.57.20 AMWell shit. And here I thought that Young Chris Wheeler would’ve looked like a member of Menudo. Instead, he was Ron Howard’s ugly brother in Apollo 13. Was he… Assistant Director of Publicity and Public Relations or assistant to the Director of Publicity and Public Relations? He seems like the kind of guy who would care about such a distinction.

Screen Shot 2013-08-14 at 5.26.11 PM

Anyway, the pictures comes from an eBay listing of a guy trying to sell Vintage CHRIS WHEELER 1970s Photo PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES NO TOUPEE BALD HAIR RARE for $19.95:

ARE YOU A TRUE PHILLIES FAN? ARE YOU ALSO SICK AND TIRED OF BEING TALKED DOWN TO GAME AFTER GAME WITH THE CONDESCENDING TONE & SUBSTANCE SPEWED OUT BY “WHEELS” ON A NIGHTLY BASIS?

HIT THE BALL TO THE RIGHT SIDE TO MOVE THE RUNNER OVER? CHECK. NO DOUBLES DEFENSE? CHECK. MUCH BETTER CHANCE TO SCORE WHEN THE LEAD-OFF RUNNER WALKS? CHECK.

IF YOU ARE ONE OF THE OVERWHELMING MAJORITY WHO LONGS FOR THE DAYS WHEN OUR TEAM HAD A TRUE COLOR COMMENTATOR IN “WHITEY” WHO WAS CANDID WITH HIS ANALYSIS AND HONEST WITH HIS OPINIONS, OR PINE FOR L.A. & FRANSKE TO FINALLY TAKE OVER FOR MUCH OF THE CANDOR AND CHEMISTRY OF HARRY & WHITEY. AS OPPOSED TO THIS POOR EXCUSE OF A BROADCASTER THAT IS NOTHING MORE THAN A TEAM APOLOGIST AND LAPDOG FOR MONTY, THEN I FEEL YOUR PAIN.

PERHAPS THE ONLY THING MORE PAINFUL THAN THE SLUMPS ENDURED BY OUR ‘PHIGHTINS OVER THE PAST 2 SEASONS IS HAVING TO ENDURE THE TEAM’S FORMER ASSISTANT DIRECTOR PF PUBLIC RELATIONS FOR ANOTHER YEAR.

WELL, HERE IS A PHOTO FROM “WHEELS” WHILE STILL IN THE PUBLIC RELATIONS DEPARTMENT…..AND THE LAST YEAR BEFORE HE STARTED TORTURING US ALL WITH HIS NEW TOUPEE & NEW GIG IN BROADCASTING

Wow. I feel like that guy is going to rage kill Wheeler one day.

Rizzo over at Barstool dug up the posting, which has since ended (with no sale), and correctly pointed out why this was pretty much the dumbest thing ever:

First of all, funny picture, but I’m going to have to pass on this for a couple reasons. Like the first thing is that I just downloaded the picture. So now I have it. And so does everyone else reading this. So why would I spend 19.95 when I could just, you know, print it out?

Here’s the crazy thing about this picture: Wheeler may be the only person alive who looks better with a toupee. He’s downright scary here, and should you heed Rizzo’s advice and print out the photo, I wouldn’t hang it anywhere near small children.

8 Comments

  1. I’m having a difficult time masterbating to this.

  2. Like you pointed out, Barstool covered this already. Dig up some fresh material you dummy.

  3. this was on philly.com months ago.

    I almost prefer a toupee to a sixty year old man walking around wearing a baseball cap everywhere he goes; like he is fooling someone.

  4. Harry Norbert Kalas > Take It Away Wheels!

  5. Sometimes……..You have to wear the rug

  6. I always said to my friends and family that one day I will see Chris Wheeler on the street. And on that day I will walk up to him and grab that horrible rug off his head with out saying a word. I will probably face some legal repercussions afterwards but it will be so worth it.

  7. that douche hipster site philebrity stole your story

  8. This photo is in the back of the 1976 Phillies yearbook. He was an assistant PR guy so what credentials does that give him to tell me how a player has to hold the bat correctly in order to lay down the perfect bunt???? That is why Ashburn and Kalas never liked him.

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