Who’s That Douche?

Kyle Scott - May 3, 2013

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When your situation down south makes him breathe through his mouth

Who did this: [CBS Philly]

Police in Chester County say a 21-year-old female has been charged for falsely reporting that she was raped by three people.

According to police, [redacted] reported to West Goshen Township police that she was raped and sexually assaulted by three people on March 25 while at the Golf Club Apartments, located in the 1100 block of West Chester Pike.

Investigators report [redacted] lied about the incident because she was afraid her fiancé would find out she was having sexual relations outside of their relationship.

Further investigation also found that the group sex was consensual and the entire incident was recorded.

The answer is after the jump.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jessica Shreve.

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Wow. There are so many ways I can go with this, but I’m already tempting fate with the death pool, so I’m just going to play it straight.

First off, didn’t this sort of happen in Old School? Second, this chick is doing it all wrong. If you’re going to cheat on your fiancé and then claim you were raped, you should do it with one partner, who you can finger for the deed… and then blame for the rape. I have his DNA on fupa! And these scratches on my back. And, for some reason, really unsexy hair… though I’m not sure that’s relevant to the case. It’s your word vs. their’s, and the fupa spunk is a jury-persuader. What you don’t want to do – and I’m fairly certain of this – is have an orgy and record it. That’s three other people who know the truth, plus one (or several??) iPhones. And maybe those folks were cool beforehand – when they gave you the pity invite for the gang bang – but now that you accused them of, you know, raping you, they might be a little less accommodating.

18 Comments

  • Junkhead May 3, 2013 at 5:08 pm

    Let me guess. She said it was black guys who gang raped her. When in doubt, just say that a bunch of black guys raped you to try to somehow appear more credible.

    Reply
  • BurntToast May 3, 2013 at 5:14 pm

    Great sports

    Reply
  • BurntToast May 3, 2013 at 5:14 pm

    Great sports story, Kyle.*

    Reply
  • Ryan Petzrawr May 3, 2013 at 5:16 pm

    Yeah Kyle, nice sports.

    Reply
  • Moop May 3, 2013 at 6:28 pm

    Way to sports, sport.

    Reply
  • nope May 3, 2013 at 7:16 pm

    Q. Who’s that douche?

    A. Kyle Scott!

    Reply
  • ballsac May 3, 2013 at 7:31 pm

    This site is a fucking joke and kyle is an example of how any swinging dick can be a so called journalist…. tool

    Reply
  • Thebigfell May 4, 2013 at 7:42 am

    When you click that blue “e”, that’s the icon for Internet explorer. When you type in “crossingbroad.com”, well that takes you to crossingbroad.com. If you don’t enjoy the content on crossingbroad.com, I’d recommend not typing in “crossingbroad.com” when clicking said “e”.

    That little nugget is on the house. Next one will cost ya.

    Reply
    • PhillyCatKnows May 4, 2013 at 11:41 am

      Kyle’s little buttnugget I see!! Get off his wank, weirdo!

      Reply
    • The 21st Century May 4, 2013 at 9:39 pm

      If you use Internet Explorer, I assume you don’t know what you’re talking about.

      Reply
      • Anon May 5, 2013 at 11:33 am

        +1

        Reply
  • HamillToe May 4, 2013 at 7:30 pm

    Cat, You can take a good look at a T-bone by sticking your head up a bull’s ass, but wouldn’t you rather take the butcher’s word for it?

    Reply
  • Your Mother May 5, 2013 at 7:22 am

    Well, I’m pretty sure this is how it went down.

    Jessica Shreve to cops: I was gang raped!!
    Cops: Lol!!! You were not gang raped.
    JS: Yes I was! By 3 men!
    Cops: No really…… I’d sooner put my dick in a ground hornets nest. Tell us the truth!

    Reply
    • Rachel May 18, 2013 at 3:09 pm

      I LOVE IT!!!!!!

      Reply
  • Kyle Scott's Ovarian Cancer May 5, 2013 at 6:43 pm

    I thought this was a sports blog site?

    Reply
  • Big Daddy May 6, 2013 at 11:01 am

    All these guys complaining about Kyle are the one’s that would do this chick (but won’t admit it)

    Reply
  • Jessica Shreve May 6, 2013 at 12:58 pm

    Big Daddy wants to eat my shit while sucking on my asshole

    Reply
  • livedrive reseller May 6, 2013 at 11:21 pm

    I

    Reply
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