Bernie Parent Talks About His Primitive Side, Encourages You to Stay Horny

Kyle Scott —  February 4, 2013 — 2 Comments

image from mobilwi.typepad.com

Wing Bowl, 2012

Bernie Parent is now writing a column for Philly.com as part of the enigmatic website’s misguided effort to increase page views and save money by bringing on mostly non-writers to, well, write, an undertaking that likely won’t lead to a measurable increase in visits to the site. 

Well, maybe Bernie will lead to a measurable increase… in visits to the site.

In what has to be one of the strangest and most surreal (read: awesome) columns you will ever read, Bernie, citing his “balls to go out there at 66 years old” for the Winter Classic Alumni Game in 2011, encourages you, the reader, to find your hidden wolf this Valentine’s Day.

Ladies and gentleman, Mr. Parent: [the fun parts are highlighted]

For some, Valentine’s Day is a time to show your appreciation for loved ones. For others, it’s a day of impending doom, a pointless “holiday,” and a yearly reminder of the reasons you are single.

Being that I am a seasoned ladies man and “Philadelphia’s most interesting man,” I have the same message for both types of people: Find your wolf.

If you are single, allow yourself to do some inner-searching and find the person that you want to be, so you are ready and willing to share that with someone else when the time comes. Remember, happy feelings will attract happy circumstances.

For those of you that are in a relationship, let your partner be their own wolf. Don’t restrict your partner. Let them fulfill who they are as an individual; it does not mean they don’t love you. If you let them go, let them do, they will explore and be their own person. That is what makes the bond between the two of you stronger.

Don’t leash them, don’t cage them, just have fun. And do it together.

“I am a free spirit; either admire me from the ground or fly with me, but don’t ever try to cage me.” –Unknown.

I’ll open up the floor to the readers. Email me your questions.

Stay horny, my friends.

–The Most Interesting Man in Philadelphia
Bernie Parent
 

 

I am speechless. Horny, but speechless.

Never change, Bernie.

Kyle Scott

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2 responses to Bernie Parent Talks About His Primitive Side, Encourages You to Stay Horny

  1. Bring back the comment section pussy

  2. So in other words, Bernie cheats on his wife, LOL! Hell, I remember a great scene from around 35 years ago down the shore in a bar on a Saturday afternoon. Bernie was in there, drunk as a skunk, and getting ready to be one of the judges in the wet tee shirt competition. In walks Mrs. Parent and yanks him off his stool and out of the bar. We almost died laughing.

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