The Sartourial – Part 1 of 3 – Washington, D.C.

Mid-Atlantic Proud

Mid-Atlantic Proud

As Kyle announced, with the wider coverage area of CB, what better time for a primer on The Mid-Atlantic’s uniforms. We’ll start with the DC professional teams, then check out the colleges after lunch, then close out with Baltimore, the Detroit of the East Coast, as we wrap up our exciting first day of the NEW Crossing Broad. As Kyle said, every city has a Broad Street.

The pro teams of Washington, D.C., despite some historical missteps (shown below), try to pull off what Pittsburgh does, using the same color scheme for all sports. Of course, it’s the nation’s capital, so, of course, that color scheme is red, white, and blue. Well, three of the four teams use that palette. The one outlier, the Redskins, uses their own color scheme and are named after and use the symbol of a group with a long, storied history of goodwill, compassion, and mutual benefit with the Federal government.

The Capitals
For most of the Capitals’ existence, they had an “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” classic uniform. Bold colors (which don’t run), striking contrast, a visual pun (the “L” is a hockey stick!), and even oh-so-perfect stars on the hem of the pants. Because the 70s. In the mid-90s, they decided a team in the nation’s capital would be best represented with black, gold, and a whole lot of slightly teal-ish blue. Thankfully that design went the way of the line-item veto for the 2007 season. (ok, ok, the line-item veto was struck down way back in 1998, but let me have this one. How often does CB make political jokes that aren’t Kyle doing/saying something un-Republican then reminding everyone he voted for Romney?).

caps Click to enlarge.

The Wizards
(formerly the Bullets… in Washington, D.C… oh, to live in a simpler time, when teams could be named after firearm paraphernalia. Wait, they changed to the Wizards in 1997, not 1967? That’s around the same time as Justice John Paul Stevens delivered the majority opinion declaring the line-item veto was unconstitutional because it violated the presentment clause! I’ll be here all, day folks). Take the Bullets most iconic design, re-work it for the new team name, and boom, red, white, and blue are all back in action after a brief foray into royal blue, black, and gold/orange, which led to one of the most subtly bizarre alternate uniforms in US sports history. Of course, the blue era was also the MJ era in Washington. It’s easy to forget that he was one of the most important figures in DC sports history, and he was wearing a generally nondescript uniform during his glory years. For completeness, I’ll point out that the Wizards uniforms are so loudly screaming “retro,” the template would be better as an alternate. There’s reason the Astros tequila sunrise classics are only used an as inspiration point instead of a full-time uniform.

wizards

Click to enlarge.

The Nationals
Despite existing as The Nationals for less than a decade (we’ll omit their Canadian heritage, here), they’ve had a number of subtle uniform changes. Nothing too drastic, but slow changes that make it so only the colors and curled “W” logo remain from their launch. There’s not much to say here other than it would have a place next to “standard baseball uniform” in the dictionary. It’s iconic in its classic-ness.

natsClick to enlarge.

The Redskins
It’s not red, white, and blue, but I’ve called their maroon over yellow combination the best uniform in the NFL, so it has that going for it. Of course, with our new coverage area, I may have to compromise my principles and actually start calling the colors “burgundy” and “gold…” when they are anything but. Also, we’ll save discussion of the controversy surrounding their name closer to football season.

redskinsClick to enlarge.

What’s your favorite? Let us know in the comments! Let’s get the re-launch started off right!

37 Comments

  1. hahahahahhhhaaa

  2. What a god awful attempt at an April Fool’s joke.

    The best part? Everyone’s going to call you out on it so you’ll make it permanent just to try to save face.

  3. Now we get a day’s worth of meaningless Mid-Atlantic coverage so Kyle can try to convince us this isn’t a joke. This lameness of this joke is rivaled only by your attempts to write/speak like DeSean.

  4. I think this is my last day at this site. It’s because I believe this is a real joke, as in this is a real attempt at humor. It’s humor that only Kyle finds amusing, and it seems that is all I get anymore at this site. No real attempts at analysis or substance, just a report followed by some of the worst attempts at humor anywhere online.

  5. Kyle we know this is a joke and a waste of time you fag! Dan Fuller must have his dick so far up your ass you dont see that we know it’s April 1st.

    PS I hooked up with your girlfriend at a margaritaville

  6. You guys should write for me you’re so awesome funny want to see my Neil Young impersonation lol

  7. I’d like to have that Jessica Dean from CBS3 squat down on my nose.

  8. I never comment much and always laugh at the people who say they are “done with the site” because those are the guys who always do come back. However, in either scenario of how this plays out I’m kinda over this site’s whole shtick. There’s a 97% chance this is a joke and a very lame one too, just a waste of time for everybody, not even creative or mildly entertaining. There’s also a 3% chance this is real and Kyle is just a huge sellout, in which case I am by no means ever reading about DC sports that I don’t care about. There’s plenty of other sites with just articles about Philly sports. If you we’re gonna troll everyone you shoulda done it a day early so more people might buy it. Either way good job, good effort.

  9. Great read here.

  10. 3 Finger Lenny

    April 1, 2014 at 11:05 am

    Post some tity pics

  11. may have had luck leaving it alone after Introductory Post, Kyle. Anyone who may have fallen for your less than clever attempt at April Fools joke may have bitten on first post but overdone with follow up post on DC uni’s. Lame. Really lame.

    I expected better. Disappointed. Not angry. Just disappointed.

  12. Einstein's Smart Brother

    April 1, 2014 at 11:10 am

    This is the dumbest article ever written and I’ve read a lot of Marcus Hayes columns.

  13. Dude get this women of Philly bracket going so we can comment on the possibility of kacie macdonnell having a stinky puss or Colleen Wolfe being a squirter.

  14. Yo Ize be thirsty for pee not DC

  15. D-Jacc's Gang Signs

    April 1, 2014 at 11:32 am

    Hey Kyle, why don’t you put on your Bro hat and post a video of yourself reading these comments in the douchiest manner possible? That would show all the haters!

  16. Get that fuckin crab off the logo or ill sue

  17. This April Fools joke has gone too far. It’s like that unfunny thing the first time that gets a follow up to only become even less funny, if possible.

    We get it… it’s an April Fools joke. Would have just left it at that video. Stop trying to make “fetch” happen here.

    Anyways the site’s infrastructure/build is so poor there’s no way you could implement a “view philly posts” / “view dc posts”.

    I’d work on a better build with this annoying advertising money you’re getting. PS – I respond to a million questions everytime I log-on here to get the 7 day free viewing but that never works.

  18. It’s a disgrace that my team gave that LYING SACK OF SHIT a SB jersey.
    Fuck off.

  19. Well, if this is a joke – YOU GOT ME!!!

  20. Also whatever happened with a new logo for this site? Needs a professional update bad. Wasn’t there a contest looking for free work? Whatever happened with that… never took off?

  21. one thing true about this post, i know kyle is an obama voter/

  22. step 3: make her open the box

    April 1, 2014 at 12:01 pm

    Tomorrow the new ‘Crossing Pennsylvania’ logo will debut. Just think: we’ll be able to insult Nats fans in the same forum.

  23. Let's Get Back To Real Issues

    April 1, 2014 at 12:14 pm

    Melissa Magee has the best body on Philly news. Discuss.

    • Yea she does.. It’s a shame it’s ruined by her ape skin. I’d pound her tho and play the game “Jefferson” . That’s where I pretend she’s my slave and I rape her

    • Melissa Magee is gross, and she refuses to pronounce a long e sounds in any word correctly. (keepin’ in “rill”) Sarah Bloomquist is the hottest woman on TV.

  24. i thought the crab was pretty funny.

  25. Alicia Vitarelli has a mouth on Vermin Odom could love

  26. Nora Muchanic would git a granny pie

  27. Kyle, following up on the reader challenge. Whatever happened with that? You posted pics of yourself flexing on the beach… what happened there, no takers????

  28. The shitty, new, fake banner is still better than the shitty, real banner you tried a few months ago.

  29. Joke or not, this mid-Adlantic shit isn’t funny, and is a huge waste of time and space. Almost as much of a waste of time and space as my article on the Eagles’ web site. Did you know I am an “insider” and an “Eagles expert” Well I am. I even mentioned to write something about the WR’s without even mentioning the little skinny black guy getting cut. And, I wrote that Grand Wizard Cooper is a WR2.

    That is why team brass won’t talk to anyone else…because I write whatever they tell me to.

    Take that, Les Bowen.

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