Archives For fat

Joe_blantonThings aren’t going well for Fat Joe in the City of Angels. He’s 2-12  with a 5.53 ERA and a bloated 1.54 WHIP. Yesterday, he and his pitching coach, Mike Butcher, got into it after Blanton had a “miscommunication” with his catcher (he had wanted the powdered jellies but instead got sugar covered).

Video of Blanton throwing a tantrum is after the jump.

via The Big Lead, Hardball Talk Continue Reading…

Chapman

Maybe if Aroldis Chapman wasn’t such a fatass he wouldn’t have given up consecutive home runs to a guy who endorses turkey bacon and a former PED user with six career home runs. But, he is, he is a fat ass. Before the game, he was given 100 pastries courtesy of friend and Phillies Spanish-language broadcaster Rickie Ricardo, who, apparently, has a habit of giving Cuban players around the league pastries from a Cuban bakery in Union City, New Jersey.

Ricardo explained on the WIP Morning Show today: [CBS Philly]

“Aroldis Chapman, since he arrived in the U.S. and on a major league team, he has become a friend of mine, and as I do for many Cuban players they always ask me—there is a little Cuban bakery up near where I live in the Cuban strong hold of Union City, New Jersey. They cook this little Cuban pastry, which is a flaky-crust pasty with cream cheese and guava and it’s baked, and it’s absolutely delicious. Now, if you eat more than two of these you’re clogging up your arteries—you’re a stroke waiting to happen! Well, Chapman asked me on Friday night after the game to stop by the bakery and pick up a box of 50. For example, Livan Hernandez, guys like that—even Chooch, guys on our team, they’ll put 10-15 of these things away with a couple of glasses of milk. It’s equivalent of the Krispy Kreme donuts when they come right out of the oven, it’s that kind of a thing.”

“Could you imagine cream cheese and guava on a baked pastry? Well Chapman asked me for a box of 100, two boxes of 50. When I saw him on Sunday morning before the game, he was in the club house, he had just eaten about 18 of them. He couldn’t breathe! I looked at my partner, I said, ‘he’s ripe for the taking today.”

Three hours later, Ricardo had the call – in awesome Spanish – as Freddy Galvis walked Chapman off:

Bien jugado, Rickie.

Screen Shot 2013-04-29 at 2.20.06 PMThe anonymous blogger who wondered if this Thunder cheerleader was too fat for her job got fired from CBS Houston:

We have an update on the Houston blogger who called an NBA cheerleader “too chunky” to cheer. She’s been told hit the road by CBS.

The former CBS sports blogger known as Claire Crawford came under scrutiny after she targeted Oklahoma City Thunder cheerleader Kelsey Williams. Crawford posted a blog criticizing Williams’ physique and a subsequent poll questioning readers if they also thought she was too chunky to cheer.

This is what happens when you don’t have an editor– you make fat jokes, use curse words, inject personal opinion into prose, present woefully one-sided accounts of a situation, pick on people from behind a computer screen despite your own glaring inadequacies, and act like a petulant asshole in general. Of course… if you do those things, it helps to not have a boss, who can fire you.

Coincidentally, this video aired on CBS national news today about people getting caught laughing at fat people. Continue Reading…

Fat Man Cometh

Kyle Scott —  April 30, 2013 — 5 Comments

The Phillies have activated fat man Delmon Young. He hates Jews and will replace Ezequiel Carrera, who was DFA’ed today.

We look forward to more of Young’s stories:

“I didn’t like cleaning up dog poop. It was a dog park and people don’t clean up after their dogs sometimes and we’re left to. A lot of times I just stared at it because it was too soupy.”

Delmon Young’s fat clause.

Screen Shot 2013-01-24 at 9.02.14 AMHEY BEEFCAKE! (screen grab via CSN)

Well, here’s something.

From the AP:

Young's $750,000, one-year contract with the Philadelphia Phillies allows him to earn an additional $2.75 million in bonuses.

The deal for the AL championship series MVP, announced Tuesday, calls for him to get on a scale on six occasions to be chosen by the team. He'll receive $100,000 each time he makes weight, according to details obtained by The Associated Press. The first three times, he must be 230 pounds or less, and the second three, 235 pounds or less.

 

Amazing. I wonder if, similarly, the servers at PBR have incentives for keeping their muffin tops below a certain threshold. Money for a tribal tat if you maintain an overhang of less than three inches!

Young told reporters on Tuesday: “To lose weight, it’s mostly diet. And it’s eating better. Eating those (sic) strict diet. You can get carried away with clubhouse food, late-night room service [whilst] watching a movie. Some ice cream,  some good luck cakes and stuff like that. Going back out in the outfield, you have to stay lighter. DH’ing, you can be BIG.”

Of course, weight clauses are not uncommon in sports. Football players, specifically, have weight and body fat weigh-ins and can be fined for going over or, presumably, under their target weight.

Continue Reading…

Our favorite Eagles fan, eatdatpussy445, is back and… well, he’s not happy.

It takes him a few minutes to get going, but some highlights:

“What the fuck you doing play-action fakes for, n*$@a? You ain’t ran the damn ball all game. We got one of the best motherfucking running backs in the league, if not the best running backs in the league.”

 

And the 5:57 Wes Welker nutting rant is worth watching, too. 

Somewhere in the midst of all that incoherence is a sound line of reasoning, citing specific plays, a few stats, and, um, lots of n-words.

The forlorn part 2 is after the jump.

Continue Reading…

Heath_bell
Heath_bell

Annnnd we'll enter Friday night on a Sir Mix-A-Lot reference.

Bruins_sign
You remember this campaign from last year, right? Well, it's baaaaack.

This time? Fat jokes. Stay classy, The Cradle of Liberty.

Pic via our man Dave Isaac (@davegisaac), Flyers beat reporter for Philly Sports Daily.